It is a great resource for married couples and will have an impact. A good friend James gave it to my wife and I back in 2007, a year or so after our wedding and we are finally digging into it. Don't delay like we did. It will help meet the needs of your spouse that God designed into their being and will increase the joy and peace in your marriage.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,[d] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”[e]32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Tension rising? Abandon your position, matter how you feel, or how "right" you think you are and follow the checklist. If you can do this first part, take the attitude of "I am abandoning my defensive / aggressive posture and aim to resolve this conflict, you are already half way done.
So, the first part of the checklists from Chapter 8 of Love and Respect
Husbands,
C-O-U-P-L-E: How To Spell Love To Your Wife
Closeness
Openness
Understanding
Peacemaking
Loyalty
Esteem
Guys, I know you are staying "this is nice but tell me what to do!" Go it, Emerson has you covered.
Closeness - She wants you to be close
The Closeness Checklist: Your wife feels close to you when...
-you hold her hand
-you hug her
you are affectionate without sexual intentions
-you are with her alone so you can focus on each other and laugh together
-you go for a walk or jog...anything that results in togetherness
-you seek her out... set up a date night...eat by candlelight
-you go out of your way to do something for her, like run an errand.
-you make it a priority to spend time with her
-you are aware of her as a person with a mind and opinions...let her know you enjoy discussing things with her and getting her insights
-you suggest the unexpected...get takeout and eat on the beach...take a walk to see the full moon...park on the bluff and watch the sunset.
-you pillow talk after making love...lie close with your arm around her and share feelings and intimate ideas...and never turn on SportCenter or Nightline
Eggerichs, Emerson. "Closeness - She Wants You to Be Close." Love & respect: the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs. Nashville, TN: Integrity Publishers ;, 2004. p 133. Print.
Work on this list and I will add Openness soon. Think it is too much? Your wife is not a car. She is a complex being and God's provision for you.
Wives,
After I finish C-O-U-P-L-E for the guys, I will discuss C-H-A-I-R-S: How to spell respect to your husbands.
To be continued....
God bless you and keep you,
Marc
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