Love and Respect - Follow the Checklist Part 4

Part 4: Peacemaking

Gents,

Remember the C-O-U-P-L-E: How To Spell Love To Your Wife

Closeness

Openness

Understanding

Peacemaking

Loyalty

Esteem

We have already discussed Closeness, Openness and Understanding in previous post.

The 4th checklist is for Peacemaking.

She'll feel at peace with you when:

-you let her vent her frustrations and hurts and don't get angry and close her off
-you admit you are wrong and apologize by saying, "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"
-you understand her natural desire to negotiate, compromise, and defer, and you meet her halfway
-you try to keep your relationship "up-to-date," resolving the unresolved and never saying, "Forget it"
-you forgive her for any wrongs she confesses
-you never nurse bitterness and always reassure her of your love
-you pray with her after a hurtful time.




Have a blessed day,
                                                                    

Marc

Eggerichs, Emerson. "Peacemaking - She Wants You To Say, "I'm Sorry." Love & respect: the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs. Nashville, TN: Integrity Publishers ;, 2004. p 164. Print.

Love and Respect - Follow the Checklist Part 3

Part 3: Understanding

Men,

Remember the C-O-U-P-L-E: How To Spell Love To Your Wife

Closeness

Openness

Understanding

Peacemaking

Loyalty

Esteem

Closeness and Openness were already discussed in previous post.

The third checklist is for Understanding.

She'll feel you're trying to understand her when:

-you listen and can repeat back what she said.

-you don't try to "fix her problems: unless she specifically asks for a solution

-you try to identify her feelings

-you never dismiss her feelings, no matter how illogical they may seem to you

-you say, "I appreciate you sharing that with me"

-you don't interrupt her when she's trying to tell you how she feels

-you apologize and admit you were wrong

-you cut her some slack during her monthly cycle

-you see something that needs to be done and you do it without a lot of hassle

-you express appreciation for all she does: "Honey, I could never do your job"

-you pray with her and for her

We are half way through the checklist! You will not be able to do everything always but try a couple at first and add to the list.  Do your best but most importantly realize you cannot love your wife without God living through you. 

"“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

Yes, nothing. The only way God can live through you is to have a relationship with Him (Rom 10: 9-13).

Have a great day and enjoy your bride today,

Marc

Eggerichs, Emerson. "Understanding - Don't Try To Fix Her; Just Listen." Love & respect: the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs. Nashville, TN: Integrity Publishers ;, 2004. p 154. Print.

Love and Respect - Follow the checklist Part 2

Part 2: Openness

Husbands,

Remember the C-O-U-P-L-E: How To Spell Love To Your Wife

Closeness

Openness

Understanding

Peacemaking

Loyalty

Esteem

Closeness was covered in part 1.

The second checklist is for Openness.

Your wife feels you are open to her when:

-you share your feelings, telling about your day and difficulties

-you say "Let's talk," ask her what she's feeling, and ask for her opinions

-your face shows you want to talk--relaxed body language, good eye contact

-you take her for a walk to talk and reminisce about how you met or perhaps you talk about the kids and problems she may be having with them

-you pray with her

-you giver her your full attention...no grunting responses while trying to watch TV, read the newspaper, or write e-mails

-you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes, or ideas for your future.

Eggerichs, Emerson. "Openness She Want You to Open Up." Love & respect: the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs. Nashville, TN: Integrity Publishers ;, 2004. p 144. Print.

Enjoy,

Marc

Love and Respect, Just follow the Checklist

    My small group is reviewing the CDs and Bible study guide for the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

  It is a great resource for married couples and will have an impact. A good friend James gave it to my wife and I back in 2007, a year or so after our wedding and we are finally digging into it. Don't delay like we did. It will help meet the needs of your spouse that God designed into their being and will increase the joy and peace in your marriage.

  At small group last night I recommended following the Love and Respect "checklist" when conflict arises and when you want to show your spouse you care for them. As I was reading the book I realized how through and effective these list were. I will not explain the whole Love and Respect principle because Dr. Eggerich's book unpacks this biblical concept so well that I will it to him but the basis of the book is on Eph 5:22-32:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is     head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body,^[d] of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”^[e]32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

   Tension rising? Abandon your position, matter how you feel, or how "right" you think you are and follow the checklist. If you can do this first part, take the attitude of "I am abandoning my defensive / aggressive posture and aim to resolve this conflict, you are already half way done.

   So, the first part of the checklists from Chapter 8 of Love and Respect

Husbands,

C-O-U-P-L-E: How To Spell Love To Your Wife

Closeness
Openness
Understanding
Peacemaking
Loyalty
Esteem

Guys, I know you are staying "this is nice but tell me what to do!"  Go it, Emerson has you covered.

Closeness - She wants you to be close

   The Closeness Checklist: Your wife feels close to you when...

-you hold her hand
-you hug her
you are affectionate without sexual intentions
-you are with her alone so you can focus on each other and laugh together
-you go for a walk or jog...anything that results in togetherness
-you seek her out... set up a date night...eat by candlelight
-you go out of your way to do something for her, like run an errand.
-you make it a priority to spend time with her
-you are aware of her as a person with a mind and opinions...let her know you enjoy discussing things with her and getting her insights
-you suggest the unexpected...get takeout and eat on the beach...take a walk to see the full moon...park on the bluff and watch the sunset.
-you pillow talk after making love...lie close with your arm around her and share feelings and intimate ideas...and never turn on SportCenter or Nightline 




Eggerichs, Emerson. "Closeness - She Wants You to Be Close." Love & respect: the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs. Nashville, TN: Integrity Publishers ;, 2004. p 133. Print.
   

Work on this list and I will add Openness soon. Think it is too much? Your wife is not a car. She is a complex being and God's provision for you.

Wives,

After I finish C-O-U-P-L-E for the guys, I will discuss C-H-A-I-R-S: How to spell respect to your husbands.

To be continued....

God bless you and keep you,

Marc

Once you think you are humble, you are not

Humble.  It is not a word that our society uses that often or desires in people's character.

In life, if you are doing the opposite of what our society wants you do you might be moving towards what the Lord Jesus Christ desires for His people. To ensure we are not taking short cuts, trusting feelings alone or some fad ideology...let's go to the Bible (the Word of God and the most historically sound document in antiquity).

Proverbs 11:2 "When pride comes, then comes shame; but with the humble is wisdom" NKJV

James 4:10 "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up."

The part that sticks our to me is "in the sight of the Lord". You should be humble all the time. Not just with God or with some crowds. But I think this scripture is reenforcing where that humility begins. The Lord Jesus Christ. You need to go before the Lord by yourself and humble yourself before Him in prayer.

Travis Ogle, a pastor at my church Hope, said a good way to start your daily prayer is by confessing you are not God and admitting your God dependence.

An example is:

Lord, I am not God. I am not you. I need you. I cannot do anything without you living though me today. I need you to live through me so I can pray for my family, love my wife and children, be kind to my neighbor and work like I am serving you, the King of Kings.

This is not a canned prayer that should be memorized. The heart and truth of the words are what is important. It is so simple but it is so powerful because our natural tendencies and our society leads us to believe we are God of our lives and little speck of the world.

 

1 Peter 5:5-7 puts it this way. "...you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, [for emphasis meaning I can see your reaction and yes I did just tell you to do that] all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

It can't be summarized better than that; "humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

So He May be known,

Marc